There are two steps to this, so please read this entire page before doing it.
Actually, this is more of a philosophical, spiritual or psychological exercise
than a meditation technique, so if you wish, you may want to skip it and move on
to the other instructions given in our free menu of "meds".
Step One
This partly involves feeling unselfish love/compassion for someone you don’t
like. Because of that, it is very "touchy" and is often misunderstood - some
people think they are supposed to "forgive and forget" grave misdeeds or
horrendous individuals. Not so. It's important to remember that you may have
good reason to dislike certain people in your life, and they may deserve your
feelings due to terrible actions or harm they may have done you or others. How
can this be? Why?
This is just one area in which the difference between unselfish love and
unconditional love comes in. Loving people unconditionally means you accept
whatever they do, no matter how bad. Loving people unselfishly means you don't
accept any sort of behavior, and in fact, may mean that you require certain
things, or even discipline someone for their own good.
For instance, a child raised by someone practicing unconditional love would be
allowed to do anything, be anything, say anything, and still be "loved" and
coddled. That approach could result in raising some very nasty adults. A child
raised with unselfish love, would always be shown love, but would be lovingly
and peacefully disciplined without negativity, if they behaved in negative or
harmful ways. For a full explanation and understanding of that, we recommend you
read "The Lost Teachings" book mentioned on our links page. In fact, the free
meditation techniques offered on our site, are from that, and reprinted/
modified here by permission of the publisher (you can go directly to their site,
read free online book chapters and articles related to meditation techniques and
much more, by clicking on the above link).
Back to the point, the following exercise is not intended to help you accept or
"be alright with" negative personalities or actions that some people have chosen,
nor do we want it to foster "victim" syndromes and influence anyone to allow
abusive or asinine individuals back into their lives. The actual purpose of this
is to help people "let go" of such people in an unselfishly loving manner, while
also helping them to develop unselfish love. We believe there is nothing wrong
with disliking someone, and not wanting them in our lives. And we can still feel
and act that way, while being unselfishly loving ourselves. If you believe in
the essential "oneness" of all beings and things in this Universe of ours, then
we can still love and care for the spiritual essence of everyone, even if we
want nothing to do with them, and dislike them. If a person chooses to be lost,
and not be loving, there is nothing we can do other than make our own lives an
example of unselfish love - but don't expect anyone else to change unless they
want to - we all have free will, and we all reap what we sow. However, we can
have compassion for the spirits of those whose have made the choice to be
destructive and cause suffering for themselves and others, and not follow that
path ourselves, but rather, choose freedom and compassion.
DOING IT:
The first part of this visualization exercise starts with asking yourself the
following questions - and answering them:
"What's unselfish love and what does it mean to be unselfishly loving?";
"Do I always love unselfishly?" (If the answer to the last questing is no, think
about the most recent situations involving that, then go on to the next question);
"Why did I not love unselfishly in that situation?"
After thinking about it, let go of the thought about why you didn’t love
unselfishly. Why?
The reason why you did not love unselfishly is not as important as making sure
you will love unselfishly from now on.
Next, think about the situation again. Completely visualize it in your mind but
this time, be unselfishly loving and visualize the different outcome that would
result from that. (see the above book for an explanation of "complete
visualization" as opposed to ordinary visualization)
Next ask yourself:
"What should I do to manifest unselfish love all the time?". Then if you believe
in some form of a sort of "consciousness" involved in the life and the universe,
such as a Universal Spirit, God, the One, (or whatever concept you have of such
a thing) "What would you want me to do?". Then finish it off with a positive
affirmation such as, "I am unselfishly loving". (Again, you can read about
affirmations, how they work, and how to create your own, in the above mentioned
book.)
Step Two
Begin with recalling the concept of, and doing the best you can to FEEL
unselfish love. It helps to start by visualizing someone you already have the
most unselfish love for. It could be a relative or friend of yours, a child,
adult, dog, whatever. If there is someone you hold in high esteem who you feel/believe
unselfishly loves you also, such as a spiritual teacher, saint, deity or a "personified
ideal", that's the best place to start. Feel their love for you and/or your love
for them. Once you have that feeling, hold on to it, then think of someone you
like but haven’t really felt unselfish love for. Feel unselfish love for the
spiritual essence of them.
Next, think of someone you don’t like. Feel unselfish love for their spirit also.
Remember, that doesn't mean their personality or "outer self". If they have done
something hurtful, or harmful, that is inexcusable to you, be sure you only
extend your feeling to their essence, their spirit, their Inner Being, NOT their
personality and selfish separate self. Then expand your love to embrace everyone
and everything you can conceive of (again, with the focus being on the part that
is part of you, part of the One, part of the Universal Spirit).
[Note: This exercise/meditation technique is best done when not tired.]
